Letter to Delaney

Dearest Delaney Ann-

Mommy doesn't even know where to start. I wake up every morning baby girl and I hold your blankie in my arms. It doesn't smell like you anymore which makes mommy so sad. I hurt inside knowing that it will never smell like you again.

I have been starting to go thru your nursery and see what I can give to other babies. Mommy isn't doing this to erase you. Part of me is doing it in hopes that I will see other babies in your beautiful things and part of me hopes that it will make other mommies think of you when using your things.

I've been looking at the things I couldn't wait to see you in, the toys i couldn't wait for you to play with and your mobile that sings songs. I held your first stuffed animal that your Uncle Ant gave to you and cried until my eyes felt as though they could bleed. I know you don't want mommy to cry baby girl but mommies arms ache so bad to hold you again that I just can't hold these tears in.

I have held a couple of babies Delaney. I wasn't ready yet but I did it for you. I didn't want you to be upset with how sad mommy is. I hope that you know the reason I am so sad is because I don't have you here with me. See Delaney, you are the best thing that mommy had ever done. You are the one thing that mommy is most proud of. I have learned so much from you. I have learned what love is...don't get me wrong I love your other mommy to the moon and back but what I feel for you outweighs even that kind of love.

Your Auntie Chelsi and your Grandmama used to try to tell me that I won't know what a mothers love is like until I have my own baby and let me tell you they are so right! Your cousins are mad at me Delaney. I know they are only 5 and 4 but they think I lied to them and they made sure I knew it. Areyah told me I promised her I would have you the next time we saw them and she said it isn't fair that god took you away when she wanted you to be her cousin instead. I tried to explain it to her baby girl. I tried to tell her we didn't get to make this choice.

Oh my sweet Delaney, how much I think of you...everyday I wonder how much you would've changed. I can't believe in a week it will be your two month birthday on the 17th. I feel like time is standing still for me but moving on for everyone else. I hope you know that mommies will never forget you. We will never let you be forgotten amongst our families either sweetheart.

Keep watching down on mommies and ill see you in my dreams tonight.
Love always,
Mommy and Momma