different. You would have crazy hair. You would have teeth. You would've crawled. You would've maybe said your first word. Maybe you would be learning how to walk. You would've pooped and peed on both of your mommies. I'm sure Tucker would've found that he can lick you without you making him stop. I'm sure Zucchini would've become mother Hubbard and not left your side during nap time. By now we may have gotten used to a routine of how things should go. We would know how long it actually takes to get ready to head out the door with a baby in tow. We would be learning what foods you like and capturing each new moment on film. We would be starting the story of your life.
Today we would have dressed you in your 9 month onsie. Today we would have taken a billion pictures of you to show how much you have changed. Today you would be bragged about because you would be getting so big. Today we should be telling you to slow down and stay a baby.
I would give anything for today to be the way it should be.
Instead of loving up every moment, today on your 9 month birthday, we approach yet another month without you. Today we struggle to figure out today and tomorrow. We have learned who will say your name. We have learned who cares that you existed. To some people baby loss shouldn't be a big deal. To us, to your mothers... You are our life. Delaney Ann Miller, today on your 9 month birthday we love you more then we ever knew that we could love. We have never stopped nor will we ever.
My wish for other bereaved parents is that they find peace and comfort in loving their child. My wish for baby loss families is that they find people who care enough to say their child's name and who will listen their story. My wish for family and friends of bereaved parents is that they don't give up on us. That they will be there through the journey. My wish for the ignorant friends and family that walked away from these bereaved parents is that they never have to endure the type if pain we feel.
I read a poem, like many others that I have found, that have been so helpful and eye opening.
"We Remember Them…
In the rising of the sun and in its going down,
We remember them;
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
We remember them;
In the opening of buds and in the warmth of summer,
We remember them;
In the rustling of leaves and the beauty of autumn,
We remember them;
In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
We remember them;
When we are weary and in need of strength,
We remember them;
When we are lost and sick at heart,
We remember them;
When we have joys we yearn to share,
We remember them;
So long as we live, they too shall live
For they are now a part of us as
We remember them."
-Judaism Prayerbook
We remember you,Delaney! We remember from the start of creating your life what it would mean to be your parents. We remember you from the first pregnancy test that we found out you existed. We remember you from the first time we told our friends and family you were coming. We remember you from the first time we felt you move. We remember you from the first time I sang to you in my belly. We remember you from the first time Mommy read to you and you recognized her voice in my belly. We remember you from the time we found out you were a girl and named you. We remember you when we decorated your nursery with all the love in our hearts. We remember you every time we spoke your name in my womb. We remember you when we saw your face for the first time. We remember you when we held you in our arms. We remember you when we had to say goodbye. We remember you when we picked up your ashes to take you home. We remember you with every single beat of our hearts. We remember you with every breath we take. We remember you everyday.
Today you would be a 9 month old baby. Today you are your mothers reason for living. Today you are our strength to carry on. Today, my sweet beautiful baby girl, you give me my voice.
Today and every other day for the rest of my life....
You
Are
Our
Daughter
Delaney Ann Miller
Born 5/17/14
Her memory will live forever
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